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Dating/Men in Finland - The Finland Diaries - Episode 34
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Small talk is a sort of national sport for Americans says the non-American who is writing this article but Finnish women are not exactly keen on it. Their silence is very awkward at first and the lack of chit-chat can be just weird.
But the thing is, once you get used to it should not take too long, you are an adaptable guynot engaging in the mindless small talk we usually do on dates is actually the best. If you stay silent, you get some serious tension going.
No time-wasting, no stupid conversations about that show everybody is watching or how weird the weather has been lately. It does not sound so bad when you think about it, right? They are cautious with strangers to an extent that you rarely ever see in the West.
There are multiple reasons for that, most of them having to do with the Finnish national character. Much like small talk is not appreciated, oversharing would be a red flag for her if you do it too much.
There is a way around this that does not involve just chatting about your respective jobs.
Instead of asking questions all the time we are told that is what makes a good conversationalist, right? Say you are at a restaurant. And there you have it, a full-on conversation that does not make her uncomfortable but still allows for some tension.
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Playful arguments are one of the best conversation techniques to use on Finnish women. Finland is a country of rich tall white people, yet surprisingly being brown or black is an advantage in the dating game. Finns have this very pronounced liberal guilt over once discriminating against minorities.
Black and brown men get a larger margin of error because Finnish women overcompensate for that guilt which I think is being installed in society by the media.
Try wine, tequila or absinthe, if the situation is desperate. It is a very positive sign. It means that a Finn is utterly relaxed with you. Accept it or be ready to fight for your culture to know all the food on your plate. If you have a Finnish man-nibbler, set clear rules to how much you want to tell. Oneway openness. If you're from the U.S. and especially from one of the larger cities, the dating culture comparatively in Finland is almost non-existent. In plain words it will be a bit shocking and awkward to understand how it all works considering how people ju.
In fact, you might actually get more girls than your non-minority friends. Compared to other girls in Scandinavia, they are even blonder, slimmer, and fairer.
You know, scratch slimmer actually.
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There are a lot of skinny runway models that come from Finland but the national average is not on the slim side. Finland has been dealing with some serious obesity problems in recent years. They have been handling it well, more or less, with a lot of community exercise and nutrition education programs happening throughout the country. Finland is a very rich and well-developed country where most women almost frown upon the idea of just being housewives.
There is a lot expected from a girl and that starts at a very young age - girls are expected to perform great at school, get into a good uni, become independent and provide for themselves as soon as they are out of college etc. Family values have been taking a back seat in recent years. Even though they tend to get married later on in life now, Finnish women are still looking for a long-term partner rather than a casual hook-up buddy. In that sense, yes, they kind of think like Eastern Europeans but not totally.
They get awfully long winters that much up north.
Summer is short and sunny days are very few. That is a part of the reason why so many Finns suffer from depression, which often starts as season affective disorder thatwell, when the season that affects you lasts for the most part of the year, I guess it kind of turns into a full-blown depression. But so much for mental disorders.
Spending at least a week but usually more like 10 days to two weeks at a sunny, tourist-y beach resort is the rule for Finnish people. It is not seen as treating yourself but rather as a necessity.
If you come from somewhere where you had the beach and nice weather almost year-round you would be surprised at how much she loves to hear that.