Have you ever had a crush on a teacher or college professor? Oh, I did. He was my adviser, he wasn't all that great looking, but he was so smart and witty and oh, man, I just loved him. Never, ever did anything but rumor had it that my dear Dr. Scanlon did have a tendency to go out with students. Not the greatest idea, right? In fact, here are 7 reasons never to date your professor!
Not the greatest idea, right? In fact, here are 7 reasons never to date your professor!
Dating a college professor is hard because it typically has to stay a secret. He or she may be married or in a relationship, for instance, and there are scores of other reasons why this kind of information shouldn't be made public.
At first, having a secret affair might seem thrilling and romantic, but the first time you have to do something special without your professor or seem him or her with someone else, it will get really hard.
Speaking from experience, it's hard enough to concentrate in class when you don't have a relationship with your professor. When you do, I can only imagine that it's impossible to stay focused.
It will probably be awkward for both of you, and can really start to affect your schoolwork and grades. Speaking of which, won't you wonder if you pass your professor's class es because you're dating him or her?
Jan 15, † Dating your professor can ruin any credibility you've built up in one fell swoop. Again, others may wonder if you got into a certain sorority, fraternity, or club, received a certain award, got a certain scholarship, because you are with your professor.
Worse, if anyone else every finds out, they will probably wonder about that as well. Even if it's not true, the stigma will probably stay attached to you. Academically speaking, every student needs credibility.
If you insist on dating your professor, it is best to wait until you have graduated from school. While it is true that some students have been able to date their professors without any problems, this is the exception rather than the rule. Some of the problems that can occur because of . Dec 18, † Tracey Steinberg is the "Dateologist." A coach and flirting expert, Steinberg hosts her own call-in live television show in New York City called "Dating Help !" She offers a hodgepodge of coaching services, including one-on-one dating, expert emergency help sessions, dating and relationship classes and flirting parties. Jun 21, † Many schools discourage professor/student dating for these reasons. Additionally, other students may perceive a student dating a professor as having an unfair advantage. If you're dating a professor whose classes you take, students may think you're getting special treatment or grades you haven't earned, no matter if you actually are.
Other professors want to know that you're honest, that you study hard, do original work, don't plagiarize or copy, and so on. Dating your professor can ruin any credibility you've built up in one fell swoop.
We chatted about the Epic of Gilgamesh, or something similarly innocuous and liberal-artsy. He wore Ray-Bans before they made a comeback, plaid before it became a hipster trend, and he had a nervous, charming, rambling beatnik-meets-Tom Waits aura about him like he was on the verge of either mental collapse or genius.
We drank, we smoked pot, we drank some more.
MY COLLEGE PROFESSOR HIT ON ME STORYTIME - Kenzie Borowski
All of a sudden it was just him and me left on his scratchy tartan couch. Surrounded by empty bottles of red wine and smoky stacks of collected rare books, you can imagine what happened next. The rest of my undergrad experience was peppered with our sexual encounters and spirited - at times dangerous - adventures.
I became friends with his young sons. I met his mother. I hosted soirees for faculty and students alike at his downtown apartment. One night, we got a little too carried away and he was arrested for drunk driving, with yours truly in the passenger seat.
It even made the front page of the local news. My laid-back, west coast father came to the east coast and met him.
Then my hardworking, big city mother came to the east coast and met him.
My friends were polarized - they thought the relationship was either charming or revolting. As for me, I felt emboldened. I had made the choice to make a grown man in a position of power shake with desire. Many schools have programs that encourage students to have meals with professors as a way to interact outside the classroom.
You might even get the school to pay for your lunch that day. This is not a date, so you may want to get a few other students from the class together as well. Show an interest in the subject.
Sep 12, † In the film, Woody Allen plays his typical pervy-uncle trope, twice-divorced, in the midst of dating a year-old. Woody introduces her to his friends and says, "I'm older than her father Author: Molly Willows. Not entirely surprisingly then, if it is discovered that a professor was dating one of their students, they would almost certainly be fired. As for dating students once they are no longer in your class (and are not likely to be in your class again), then there are cases where you can. Professors typically cannotuniversities have policies against that. As a woman who will not tolerate a partner who does not have a Green's function for every situation, I fully understand your specific intellectual needs. Unfortunately, most professors move in social circles where it is common to have a spouse/ser.
Professors have usually dedicated their lives to studying in their field. He will probably find it very attractive that you have a similar interest.
Remarkable, dating a female professor entertaining
Similar interests are a good way to suggest compatibility. Visit office hours. Sure, office hours are there for you to get extra help in the class, but they are also a good time to see your professor without the rest of the class around.
Not only will you be highly unlikely to see another student there, but your professor will be excited that someone came.
When you go to the office, be sure to have something to talk about related to the class. It doesn't need to be a serious question or concern about your grade, just that you want to talk about something that came up in lecture. If you come in only asking personal questions and don't mention the class, he will probably see right through what you are doing and not let it go any further. Sit as close to him as possible. Try to move as close as you can, like getting your chair closer to his in the office.
You shouldn't invade his personal space, but move closer as a way to let him know you want a closer connection. Ask about her experiences.
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Professors spend much of their time researching and writing alone, but have probably had some very interesting experiences that they would love to share with others. Ask about interesting places your professor has visited or people she has met. She will enjoy the attention, and probably have some good stories as well. Go to department events. Look for speakers, symposia, or other events put on by your professor's department.
These will be more relaxed settings where you can talk to him about something interesting, like the speaker you just heard, and not have to worry about the class. You'll want to keep your flirting to a minimum. Look for other on-campus events as well, especially things your professor indicated he might be interested in. If you go, you may find him there, or you can always earn points as a good listener by suggesting things he can do.
Congratulate your professor on accomplishments. Professors work hard on projects outside of just your class, and love the recognition that can come from it. Keep an eye on those pages to see if your professor's name pops up.
Part 3 of Know your professor's status. Before jumping in and asking him out, make sure you know that he would be open to some kind of relationship.
There are a few different variables to watch for, some of which you can pick up while in class or talking around campus. Check his relationship status.
Dating a female professor
If your professor is single, then you should feel comfortable at least trying. If he is married, you may still be able to get a physical relationship out of it, but it will probably be very secretive.
Of course, you have to decide if that kind of person is someone you want to be involved with.
Learn his preferred gender. College campuses are among the most welcoming environments for a variety of gender preferences. You don't want to embarrass yourself by asking out your professor only to discover he prefers a gender other than yours, so look for clues to who he likes.
Know your university's rules for sexual harassment. This covers both you and your professor. Either of you could get in trouble for acting on an attraction, especially if the feeling is not mutual. If your professor does not respond to your pursuit, drop it. It's definitely not worth getting in trouble with the university for harassing him.
Wait until the semester is over. Most schools have policies against professors dating students, and they are strictest when it comes to students they are actually teaching.
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To avoid unnecessary headaches for both of you, don't act on your feelings until the semester is over. Your best bet is really to wait until you have graduated. That gets rid of any chance you will ever have a class together in the future.
It's back-to-school season! All the more reason to say yes to dinner with a college professor - assuming you're not his student. Here are 15 reasons to date a college professor. Dec 12, † Instead, wear clean, form-fitting clothing that accentuates the positive parts of your physique. You will impress your professor by looking professional, or at least not ruin his or her opinion of you by dressing inappropriately. For women, look for softer colors that signal romance, like pink or 72%. I was a female professor, and I have been asked out by male students. Please don't do this. Here's why: * It's forbidden by policy at many institutions. * It causes a conflict of interest. * It gives other students the grounds to dispute their gra.
Even if your relationship is over by that point, a bad ending can have lasting repercussions on your grade or classroom demeanor. It will also be much easier for your professor to see you as mature if you are not still in school. Remember that when you are in the class, your relationship is definitely unequal. Your professor holds a significant amount of power as the person who teaches and grades the class. It is never good to be intimate with someone who has that kind of influence over your future.
If your professor is younger and untenured, a relationship with a student is a good way for him to lose his job.
Understandably, he will be unlikely to take a risk like that. Even tenured professors can lose their job over dating students.
Apologise, dating a female professor opinion
Ask directly for a date. If you want a relationship with your professor, you will probably need to be direct about it. Given the potential complications, as well as the concern over sexual harassment complaints, he will probably be very hesitant to ask you himself. Being direct also means both of you know what is happening.
This is not the time for grey areas. If you are both clear about your romantic intentions, he will be more likely to reciprocate appropriately. Don't get played. Be warned that some professors will encourage relationships with their students especially male professors and females students to bolster their own egos. If you think your professor is using you in this manner, get out before anything happens.
If he is willing to initiate flirting quickly or suggests things that past students have done, and otherwise blatantly ignoring school rules, he is probably signaling that you are not the first, and probably won't be the last. There can be other signs in the classroom.