Dating by definition and design is somewhere in between friendship and marriage, therefore Christian guys and girls are always trying to navigate the confusion which is always produced by romance without commitment. God designed the two to always be paired together, so knowing how much romance to engage in when the commitment is limited is tricky. You want to get the most out of the dating experience to see whether marriage is in the cards which I believe is the healthiest goal of dating. You want to open up enough for the person to really get to know you. Even defining these terms would be a challenge. If you asked one Christian guy to make two lists, one describing conservative values in dating and another list describing liberal boundaries in dating, and then you asked another guy to do the same thing, I have no idea what they would each include. All I can guarantee you is that their lists would look nothing alike.
Ask God to give you healthy and realistic levels. List your goals for each season of the Christian dating relationship and try to balance your emotions with logic. Dating needs to be vulnerable.
You just need to be wise as well. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Christian dating and kissing
So to guard you heart, you need to make sure your levels of hope are appropriate for the season your Christian dating relationship is actually in. If this one is not on your list of Christian dating boundaries, something is wrong with you. How far is too far?
What are you aloud to do in dating? Is kissing okay?
What about spooning? Anything done with your spouse is good. Anything done without your spouse is sin. I get these two categories from 1 Corinthians So the Bible does not give us a list of sexual boundaries we are not to cross in Christian dating. Rather, again, it gives us two big categories we are to stay within: 1. Sexual experiences away from your spouse are sin. Sexual experiences with your spouse are good. The trickier part will be to define what is an act rooted in sexual desire and what is an act that is simply a sign of affection.
Read the article for more on this. This list of important dating boundaries for Christians could go on and on. When Christians abstain from sexual sin, I think the desire to connect through words is going to be even more intense. But just like the rest of these categories, you must balance your commitment levels with the levels you are connecting at. Guard what you say if you want to guard your heart. Not everyone feels the same way about these three words as I do.
But I believe these words should not be spoken in a dating relationship. Pam and I decided to not kiss the first few months of our dating. I think that it served as an awesome part of our early bonding. We focused on the total person rather than a part of the anatomy or personal satisfaction. It was not easy but let me tell you that first kiss was out of this world. My encouragement is to not be focused on kissing and cuddling but to be open and aware of the total person you are experiencing.
Building relationships is not a hit and run proposition. Go for the slow, steady, deep pace and the pleasure and enjoyment will be so much more. My boyfriend and I are saving our first kiss for our wedding day. We have been together for over 2 years and he is not ready to propose yet. I think waiting is totally worth it if you get married in a reasonable amount of time. At some point I think it becomes unhealthy.
Either way, I am discouraged, and frustrated in more ways than one. But I think Christian dating relationship should have a focus.
Should Christians Kiss Before Marriage?- Boundaries In Christian Dating
We should know when we plan to get married if we say we are in a relationship. I think you should approach him and know his plan.
This article seems to be passively asserting a rather narrow viewpoint. You say there is nothing wrong with it inherently, but essentially the message of this post is to abstain from kissing and cuddling. A few thoughts: Sexual stimulation is not the same thing as sin.
When Is the Right Time for a First Kiss in a Godly Relationship - Lindsey Brady - Read about Christian dating and get advice, help and resources on Christian single fatgirlnmotion.com: Lindsey Brady.
Lust is not synonymous with sexual desire. Our sexuality is not something that ought to be repressed, but ought to be celebrated. Physical intimacy in keeping with the level of commitment of a relationship. In fact, the relationship where I had almost no physical touch with the person was emotionally unhealthy because all of our intimacy was experienced on an emotional or intellectual level.
It seems to me to be just as dangerously Gnostic and Dualistic to privilege the mind and soul to the deprivation of the body as it is to privilege the mind and soul to the satisfaction of the flesh. Additionally, it places undue pressure on those first acts of physical intimacy. It was kind of slimy, fairly odd, and I never expected teeth to be a factor.
It simply places too much of an emphasis on marriage, leaving little room for singleness in the church to be fulfilling because singleness obviously precludes sexual intimacy. Also, the threat of venereal diseases is not very nice. My sexual desire is not an uncontrollable monster I must keep chained up.
It is something that is a part of who I am, but that is easily perverted, and I must be incredibly sensitive to that, without strangling a part of myself.
I unfortunately was one of those girls that gave a kiss away to the wrong guy and was raped, got pregnant and placed the baby for adoption. This is what happens or could happen when you know better, but you disobey God anyway because YOU think you can handle things. He is a jealous God and loves us with an everlasting love.
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We appreciate your challenge and encouragement to us as younger women. Hi Bethany! Thanks for this great post! My 2 older sisters are both now married and both saved their fist kiss till marriage! I have always understood and agreed why we would save our first kiss till marriage but now as I get older I read this and had a few questions to ask.
So if your going to struggle weather you kiss or not is it bad? Also if he is engaged to you and depending on how old you are I think it would be ok to kiss your guy! But I do want to be our too I am confused!
Love to hear from you. Thanks x. Bethany, great article!!! My parents saved their first kiss for their wedding day, so they have been a great example of this in my life and the lives of my siblings! This was a great reminder, it can be easy to start to devalue the power and gift of a kiss, as our culture, movies, books, etc. I think the question should be, not how much we can get away with, but how much we can save for our future husbands.
This is such a huge help! This post was such a HUGE encouragement and has helped me decide to save it! We are so proud of you! Thank you!! I am so glad you found that helpful! I heard it described that way by my pastor and it made so much sense. Glad it clicked with you as well. Such a great post, Bethany!
Sep 12, Christians can't seem to agree on doctrine let alone personal conduct in a relationship. Particularly when it comes to kissing, we will never have a clear cut consensus among believers as to . Postponing the kiss until spiritual, intellectual, and emotional intimacy has developed keeps the physical draw from blocking the growth of the others, and the relationship remains right side up. Mar 20, Christian Dating & Kissing Posted on: March 20, Written by: Fred Categorized in: Christian Dating, Christian Singles Advice. Kissing and cuddling while in a Christian dating relationship, Pastor Jim shares his thoughts about physical contact while dating. What are your thoughts? Do you agree?
Moms-great book to read to your young daughters. Thank you for this. I was frustrated with the influence of the secular princess stories and picked up a few godly ones.
Another great one is The Princess and the Three Knights. It reveals what true love looks like. This is a very helpful post for us as I find it hard to explain the kiss to her when it is so easily given away by many.
Thanks for posting! Thanks for bringing us back to the bible for our guidance! So blessed to have found your blog! My daughter is still a little young to really get it all yet, but I am collecting posts such as this to share with her in the future.
We love hearing from moms like you. Keep it up! I grew up in the era where my parents gave their blessing to anyone I wanted to date as long as they were a Christianno questions asked, no interview, etc. I had never even heard of courtship, etc. When I started dating my husband, 20th guy I dated!!!
How dumb! My husband and I just celebrated our 4th anniversary.
Our first kiss was on our wedding day in front of our church family. In fact, we never even dated. We spent time in groups with other guys and girls from church.
This is the safest way to get to know each other, without putting yourself in a position where things could get out of hand, or where you give your heart away to someone other than your spouse. I did kiss a few guys before I got married, but all that did was bring pain and regret. The blessing of The Lord makes rich and adds NO sorrow.
I am one very happy and blessed woman! Joanne Chilcotte. I get it. The setting you found yourself in made such courtship possible, and I would love to be living in such a setting. Yet reality is reality. There is no infrastructure of older, caring people available to facilitate such courtship.
For sure, some people behave very differently in a group than they do in a one-on-one setting and marriage is definitely a one-on-one thing if there ever was. Can the guy hold a conversation without lots of people helping it along? Does the guy have a solid foundation? Or does he just put on a good show? Groups sometimes have weird dynamics, too. Sometimes, the group members promote people as couples based purely on popularity e. So, I find myself in the traditional world of dating.
I love this!! I totally disagree with this. Kissing can show caring, love, and devotion. I only kissed boys I was in a relationship with, and it was never random. I think random kissing and flings can be harmful, but kisses in a committed relationship show comfort, love, and caring for another. There are certainly all types of kisses, which makes this issue even more complicated.
I feel strongly about this topic because I think sometimes this mindset leads some Christians to get married WAY too early, just to be able to kiss. Yes, our culture is hypersexual sometimes, but I think worrying about hugs so much is hypersensitive.
I hug my grandparents, brothers, friends, to show I care, not because of anything sexual. If this bothers you so much, how do you feel about holding hands? Physical touch is a love language.
Christian dating and Biblical guidlelines have many grey areas. So when it comes to the idea of kissing, as in sharing more than a holy kiss in a greeting (2 Corinthians ), should we save our. Jan 18, The moment two people begin kissing or touching each other in a sexual way, both the male and female body - without going into unwarranted detail here - begin "preparing" for sex. God has designed us that way, and when we begin any sort of sexual activity, our bodies know exactly what's going on - even if our self-deluding minds deny it. Jul 21, He kissed her because he loved her, and a kiss as a sign of love is pure, in my opinion. Also, kissing was more common in the Bible among fellow believers than it is now - at least in this country. Hence why Paul told the Corinthians to greet each other "with a holy kiss," (2 Corinthians .
I agree there are limits, but try thinking of it in a non-sexual, more comforting way. I know my aunt and uncle saved really intense kissing for marriage. They only gave each other small kisses that were like you described. You are worried over the wrong thing here. Kissing is fun.
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You have to give people a healthy release or sexual tension, or you will end up with unhealthy releases i. Thank you for some common sense. Unfortunately, many of the posters on here belong to legalistic churches. Millie, great point! The next question is this, what does the word commitment mean?
Committed for the week, year, month? How long? If you can back up your reasoning from Scriptural principles I would love to see it. Absolutely, positively, great message! Bethany, I love the fact that while you are still young God has imprinted on your heart how special our bodies are to him.
He has given you a wonderful task; stay strong in your faith. I think this article is very well written and addresses the heart of the issue.
So many times we try and give rules or we as teens receive rules but without a reason or good understanding. I know for me personally I have saved my first kiss but several kids in my youth group did not, or did for a while.
For me the difference was really feeling like my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and I need to honor that. I am grateful for the additional verses and understanding here in this post. Now I am 21, single, and still keeping my first kiss for my marriage.
Thanks for being someone else out there willing to wait. It is a great encouragement!!! You need to read the Song of Solomon. Yes, but the Bible never says that the content in the Song of Solomon is righteous or pure. In fact, I would say it is the opposite, as King Solomon was not a very pure man.
We should learn from the mistakes he made, not use his mistakes as excuses for our similar behaviour. Awesome post!
I really enjoyed reading it!!!
We need more women like you! I have done many wrong things. But i fail miserably whenever i take any strict decision on not even thinking about it:'. You will have accomplished something just to find yourself a virgin who is your age AND whom you likewise find attractive enough to want to marry. Who said this was a Moral issue I think its a way to receive a gift. No one is judging you for rushing into things this article is just showing a better way.
I think its a beautiful thing to wait. Again, I refer you to the issue of maturity. WTF is wrong with you? Why is it such a big deal to kiss someone?
How can you marry someone you have never even touched? You people are the reason why the IQ level of the American population is falling! Do you feel special just because you have never kissed? Consider this, would you ever go to a surgeon that has 0 experience, but is still accepted at his current job? No you would not!
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This is the same thing your doing with your marriage! You are committing to someone that has no experience and you also have no experience, that is a recipe for disaster! I hope you find some sense along the way of life, may God enlighten your mind!
This might not have anything remotely related to Christ and his sacrifice. And of course everyone is entitled to their opinion and their preferences. But why do blog posts like this make me think, esp. God forbid that we should be impure and undefiled. But you can cleanse my friend, she had her first kiss in elementary and lost her virginity in junior high. God is glorified indeed.
My question is why is this only girls? Is it only our job as Christian girls? Or as all Christians? Again, I just hope that parents and communities start properly and actively educating young people about important issues such as this. I hope kids learn early on what is good and appropriate to do, and what are things they should avoid.
The question is: if they kiss, would it arouse immoral thoughts? Because a Christian guy is still human, so if you kiss him who knows if he may be tempted for more? Or even the girl for that matter. I always seem to attract the weirdest dudes. Like that dude that I had never talked to in my LIFE not even a Hello asked my dad if he could take me to the homeschool prom.
I was having none of that. Lol I wasnt. Any thoughts of kissing in my mind involve celebrity crushes lol. I was a virgin, when I married at the age of Did I kiss before marriage? It did not defile me, or rob me of any virtue. Many Christian churches have no problem with couples sharing a kiss, holding hands, etc. Even the Puritans allowed people courting to sleep in the same bed in the bundling custom. Though I do think that saving your first kiss for marriage is a great idea, one can do what they like, but to my fellow ladies, I ask you to wisely consider this and pray about it before you make a decision.
This msg help us to make us holy infront of god and glorify the name of jesus. So please try to post more and more usefull msgs like to encourage not to committe for sin Your web site really help me to focus on gods will and i m trying to make me holy in everything i do. This right here is everything. I notice that so many of us get sucked into the mentality that we should get as close to sin as possible without crossing over the line when really Christianity is about the opposite.
Jesus even said that simply hating someone is like murder.
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Thinking about that I realized quickly that what God wants from us is total purity in thought and deed. I am so grateful for this article it really gave encouragement for maintaining a level of purity that is certainly counter cultural. Praise God for this site! What nonsense. In reality, even holding hands or looking at a girl can tempt a boy. Everyone around me has suchh different opinions!!!! This post totally resonated with me and the sort of relationship I have with the man who proposed marriage to me.